I Want to Say I love You
by GaaraSands
Summary: Finny declares he's always loved Gene and Gene does/says some unexpected things... Yet he cannot bring himself to say those words: "I love you." Fanfic originally called Our Own Peace.
1. A Love Confession

Hello and thanks for reading =) This is my first time writing about another couple instead of SasuNaru. Tell me if you like. Comments appreciated!

* * *

I admit, I have always been jealous of Phineas. He was athletic, outgoing, and the complete opposite of who I was. I despised him, yet I admired him. We were best friends but also rivals.

I also had certain feelings for him.

* * *

We sat in our bedroom, each on his own bed. But while I had my history textbook on my lap, Finny was staring off into space, humming a tune I recognized as part of a piece from Bach.

"Hey, Gene?"

"Yeah, Finny?" I answered not looking up from my textbook.

"It's a nice day outside. Let's go to the tree."

"I can't. I need to study for the history exam tomorrow – something _you_ should be doing also."

He made a dramatic sigh, showing he was disappointed. Very theatrical. I guess if he wasn't such a gifted athlete he would've certainly made a good actor, maybe even a politician, or even the next Hitler the way he could get everyone to follow him with undying loyalty - which included me especially. The random image of Finny with a Hitler-styled mustache popped into my head then and made me smile.

"Gene Forrester, are you smiling at my unhappiness?"

His voice brought me out, flustered to have had him see my personal moment of humor. I quickly tried to make things right.

"No," I said holding up my hands in attempt to show I was innocent. "Just some random thought I had, non-important, forget it. Anyway, I'll go to the tree with you, just let me change." I let my book close shut and scooted off my bed. "Are we going swimming?" I didn't feel much like doing anything at all right now but sitting in bed and reading.

His face lit up. "I wasn't planning to but yeah, we should actually. So strip."

I unfastened the Devon school tie and unbuttoned each button one by one until finally slipping my shirt off my shoulders. The cold air of the room sent me shivering instantly. I then proceeded to pop the button on my pants when the sound of a bed creaking made me look up to see Finny coming toward me.

He put one hand on my wrist to stop me. I looked at him confusedly.

"Wait," he said.

His other hand came up to grab my other wrist.

"Finny?"

His eyes rested on my bare chest, suddenly his eyes turned hungry. He pushed me backwards until the back of my knees hit the edge of my bed and I fell with Finny on top of me. My legs hung out the side while he was on his knees to straddle my waist and pinning my arms above my head. I was trapped.

"Finny, what's wrong?" I asked, my heart pounding.

He bowed his head against my chest.

"I can't take it anymore, Gene. I love you. I always have, but you don't seem to see it and then you undress in front of me all the time…" He paused. "It's cruel." He concluded.

I didn't know what to say. I honestly never knew, and I now I felt like an idiot. Of course I saw those prolonged stares, especially when half naked, and I had a feeling, but I always dismissed it all. I don't think I wanted to believe it. Finny was someone who did things on impulse while I was the studious one, the smart one, but here I am now feeling slow. Phineas always managed to do something like this. I felt a strong urge to do something unexpected, to throw him off.

"Kiss me, Finny."

His head shot up. Those beautiful green eyes to gaze into mine now. Of course they were surprised by my request.

"What?" he asked incredulously.

"You heard me," I said. "That's what you were going to do anyway. So go on, kiss me."

"I'm not sure what I would've done," he whispered against my cheek before planting a kiss there. He then traveled down my jaw line, depositing small kisses as he went, until finally reaching my lips. He sucked on my bottom lip teasingly. I couldn't take it. I opened my mouth to swallow him. Our tongues touched and we both fought for dominance being the young men we were. I finally let him, knowing from the beginning I was going to give in to whatever Finny wanted.

That didn't mean I was done though.

I bucked my hips upward, against Finny crotch. He shivered, his kiss faltering. He was never last in sports and he wouldn't be last in this.

He brought one hand on my stomach, the other still holding my hands captured. He moved downwards, latching on to a nipple, licking it, tasting it. I moaned, pleasure taking over my senses and lucidness. My moan prompted Finny to rub his hand up and down along my side soothingly.

"Damn it, Finny!"

"Getting impatient, Forrester?"

I could hear the grin in his voice as he moved on to my other nipple, his hand coming up to play with the abandoned one, squeezing and unsqueezing it, taking the new one between his teeth.

The tension underneath my pants was uncomfortable, everything was hot and embarrassingly, I knew I was panting.

"Finny- " I gasped out as a wave of pleasure overtook me. "Suck."

His eyes came up to look at me. I was too embarrassed to look back so I closed my eyes.

"Did you say, 'Finny you suck' or 'Finny suck me off' "

"Both!" I yelled, biting my bottom lip.

He finally freed my hands and I wrapped them around his neck, bringing him closer against me. He started where I left off – taking off my pants. He pulled both pants and underwear down just below my calves where he took hold of my cock and immediately slipped it in his mouth. I moaned louder this time. That tongue, the hot wetness. I brought my hand to my mouth to bite down on a finger.

"Finny!"

I came then, he swallowed it all, not bothering to wipe the corners of his mouth afterwards. He moved back upwards to my mouth, pushing my hand aside with his nose, and the kissing me, giving me a taste of my own semen.

"You're so cute, Gene," he said lovingly, nuzzling against my neck.

"I'm old enough to be in the army. I'm not 'cute.' "

"But to me you are." He nuzzled closer, breathing in the smell of my hair, sighing contentedly. "I love you."

I couldn't answer that back so I diverted.

"How am I cute?" I asked, half angry he would think that, half curious.

"You did something unexpected, and the way you screamed my name."

"Oh," I said, my cheeks coloring.

He lifted his head to place a light kiss on my lips.

"And when you do things like that." He winked.

I felt a hand tugging on my pants further down.

"What are you doing?" I squirmed.

"Taking them off for you, what do you think?"

I gulped. "And then what?"

He sensed my nervousness. He knew me too well.

He grinned playfully. "And then we're going to lie in the same bed the rest of the day and night."

"That's no fair if I'm the only one naked!"

He placed a light kiss on my collar bone before getting up to pull my pants and underwear completely off and deposit them onto the floor. I felt exposed there, sprawled out on my bed with nothing on, self conscious with Finny overhead taking in my naked body. He pulled his shirt over his head and in one swift motion, pulled the bottom clothes out from under him. I always knew he had a great body, but those muscles with a thin layer of sweat, and those long legs, he was perfect, beautiful.

"Scoot over," he said coming back. I did so, pulling the covers on top of us. He hugged me against him, our chests touching, and – and I blushed, I could feel our cocks rubbing against each other.

Within moments I knew he had fallen asleep. I could hear his even breathing. I had to study, but at the moment I didn't care. The warmth, the peacefulness of this scene, I loved every second of it.

"Finny?" I whispered softly to make sure he was asleep. No answer. "Finny, I want to say… to say that I _think_ I love you too. I'm just confused right now, but I think I love you."

So I lay there being embraced by my best friend until I too fell into a restful slumber.


	2. I'm happy?

It was going to be a Oneshot but I didn't want to leave it. I hate Oneshots anyway so I felt like a hypocrite. Some of them are too good to end. Anyway, thanks to those who decide to favorite or add to alert and THANK YOU FOR READING and remember to comment ;)

I just adore Finny XD

* * *

What happened last night?

Needless to say, I didn't do as well as I had hoped on my history test - the source of my failure being Finny. I did everything he wanted me to - as always. But for once did I want to do them? I think so, and that's what scares me. It all went too fast. I didn't have time to think. I should have said no before things got too far, but I wanted it. I know myself well enough to know that I wanted it.

Is it wrong to want more?

I sat with my back against the famous tree, the one where members of the Super Suicide Society of the Summer Session jumped off of daily. The river sent a cool breeze towards us, the weather temperate and calm, it was peaceful and solitaire. Finny was pressed against me, his lips moving furiously over mine's, hands on either side of me on the trunk to steady himself. My hands were entangled in his hair, attempting to pull him as close as possible, drinking him in, his mouth equally swallowing my whimpers of delight. We broke only when necessary.

"_Gene_," he breathed.

Our faces were flushed. He had that cocky grin of his and I smiled as he planted a light kiss before pushing me down sideways, onto the soft grass. I shivered as his hand slid up my shirt and started to rub soothing paths onto my stomach, the contact sending tremors of excitement throughout my body. He lay on top of me, eyeing me hungrily for only a second before diving downward back onto my lips. Our mouths melded perfectly as if we were made to complete each other, and sometimes I believed that. His tongue pushed against my lips, begging entrance. I couldn't refuse him. I opened and he promptly took over my mouth. The hot organ scraped against my teeth and the roof of my mouth, it felt strange but I loved it anyhow. Our tongues danced in circles, pushing against the other's, each of us drinking the sweet tasting saliva of the other's, especially me who lay on the bottom. Finally, we had to break. As Finny did so, there was a string of saliva that connected our mouths. I brought my hand up to wipe it away.

"Gene," he whispered eyes droopy from lust. Then his face broke into a wide smile and he started to laugh.

"What?" I asked. "Was I really that horrible?"

"No, not that" he chuckled. "It's just that I've always imagined doing this with you, but never actually thought I _would_ get the chance to."

"Finny, I -"

I was cut off as the bell for class rang. In a way that was good - perfect even. Was I really prepared to say what I was going to? No. And that's why I'm glad.

"What was that, Gene?"

I thought quickly. "We should get going or we'll be late for class." I lifted myself and we found ourselves at the same positions as before, with me against the trunk. Finny instinctively came closer and nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck.

"Do we really have to? Let's stay out here," he whined, his breath tickling my skin. "It's such a nice day."

"We have to," I said firmly. "Or we'll get in trouble again."

"Always following the rules, huh Gene?" I felt the outline of his smile against my neck before pulling away and sitting there, looking me up and down perceptively.

"What?" I asked.

"You seem… happier?" He was looking far-off, eyes glazed, thinking. "Yes, definitely happier."

It was such an unexpected thing to say and yet still expected as it came from Phineas. I believed him anyhow, because thinking about it, usually I'm bored and just _there_, getting through life, but being with Finny there's never a dull moment. I crave the moments spent with him. I need him just as much as I need water and food and sleep. Those moments when he makes me _feel_ something: passion, love, annoyance, friendship, and even jealously, all those emotions and more make me feel human, courtesy of him.

Yet I despise him for seeing that, for being able to read me so clearly. And so badly, I want to say those blessed few words, "I love you."


	3. I Love You

Final chapter of I Want to Say I Love You. Wasn't sure how to end it and I guess this chapter could've been a separate story but I think it all ties up very nicely. Tell me what you guys think and leave comments =) BTW Thanks to NightsofDarkness for the nice review =)

* * *

Under the Tree's protective canopy we sat, my back against his chest, watching block of white cotton dot the beautiful blue sky. The sun handed out warmth to us through its reaching rays and I accepted with silent gratitude.

Every day we found ourselves walking hand-in-hand toward our special spot. Though exactly what makes it so special is lost to me. True, it is monstrous in size, but it is also as every tree is- still, but for when a strong breeze passes; hard wood to scrape against innocent skin, leaves to fall and glide gently to lay themselves to rest against green carpeted ground. It blooms flowers each spring and similarly, it dies each winter – he is a smooth talker, quick, most of all, my best friend. So then tell me, why do both hold such sway over me? Such repetition and endlessness of a schedule repeated. It is both comforting and safe, yet as time passes it is threatened to be uprooted by they boy named Phineas.

I wonder briefly if in another reality I'd have loathed the Tree. Connect my thoughts, they lead to Finny. How and for why I'd ever hate the Tree I'm not sure. My thoughts seem less organized nowadays with Phineas closer than ever before.

"Gene, let's jump."

I looked over my shoulder at him. I didn't really want to. I was comfortable, warm between Finny and the sun, but I found myself nodding and getting up to stand.

He gave me an apologetic smile before planting a light kiss as we undressed. I wondered as we climbed whether Finny always knew how I thought of his ideas, but dragged me into it anyway.

How selfish.

He stood only a foot away from me. If I only reached out my hands… If I only moved my body a certain way to jounce the limb… It'd be all over. Finny would be gone. How then would I feel?

As I struggled to formulate my thoughts, so then did a strong breeze come up from the side. I gripped the trunk and closed my eyes against the harsh wind. As it passed I heard scraping and opened my eyes. As if in slow motion, I saw Finny falling. He had this incredulous look on his face and his hands, they were reaching out for me. Before I could stop myself, I had reached out and I braced myself for the weight that would be pulling me downwards. Against my will I hand intertwined my fate with his.

"Gene!"

"I've got you, Finny."

The water was only a short distance away to the side, but the ground was straight downwards.

"I'm going to swing you into the lake, Finny!"

So much easier to just let go.

"Alright, Gene!"

I started swinging him, struggling to maintain my balance. The sun's rays much too warm for comfort now as thin beads of sweat collected along my body. I felt our hands slipping.

"Ready?!"

Just one more swing. Right then I realized I couldn't do it. I had almost lost him once and on impulse or something more, I had grabbed that hand that reached out for me.

"Now!"

I let go. The loud splash was what woke me. The reality and truth stuck harshly. I couldn't bear to lose him. I couldn't be alone. I needed him. And I had always loved him. Then I too jumped.

We met up at the bottom. He was already on the bank, lying on the grass, chest wavering as he gasped for air. My own heartbeat erratic as adrenaline coursed through, every sensory fully awake. I collapse next to him, and for a while lied there. Both of us catching our breaths and processing the distressfulness of what might have been.

I crouched over him. He only smiled at me, still too out-of-breath to make his usual frank comments.

"I love you," I said.

His smile turned into a grin. He gave me a deep kiss before pulling me close.

"I love you too."


End file.
